at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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