I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
