I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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