Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
