Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
