she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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