She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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