It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
