I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
