the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
