My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
