member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
