ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
