Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
