haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
