I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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