im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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