I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
