The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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