SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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