Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
