she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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