I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
