Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
