plz talk dirty to me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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