Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
