A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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