dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
