i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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