party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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