But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
