My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
