it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
