It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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