we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
