So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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