God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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