Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
