no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
