well you can't waste a boner
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i've created a new STD.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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