so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
