Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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