Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
