reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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