Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
