just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
