I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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