I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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