I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
