whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
