In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize