I'm so fucking centered right now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
