You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
