I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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