My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
