He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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