All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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