Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize