if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
