He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
